It is critical for both parties to prioritise their own and each other’s physical, psychological, and relational health in order to have a satisfying sexual encounter.
Since sex is sometimes considered to occur between the ears rather than the legs, sexual problems can originate in the mind. Of course, some problems can need for medical attention, professional help from a sex therapist with experience, psychotherapy, and/or relationship counselling. For now though, let’s look at some typical sexual problems that couples encounter and how to resolve them.
Impractical Expectations
Both men and women have a variety of myths and misconceptions that prevent them from having intimate relationships. Males have unrealistic expectations for their partners’ bodies, fret excessively about the size of their organs, and demand “pornographic” sexual performances from both of them. Men are under pressure to perform because women want an erection ‘at will’ and ‘ideal’ performance at all times, and they expect men to do all the work to ‘guarantee’ their orgasm. Realistic expectations for oneself and one’s partner can be maintained by attending a sex education session with a licenced sexuality counsellor.
Unplanned Pregnancy Fear
When it comes to sex, women who dread pregnancy cannot unwind. This is particularly true if there is a fear that contraceptives won’t work or if no contraception has been used. As a result, both men and women need to be responsible for using contraception during sexual activity. It is ‘not at all’ an efficient method of birth control, as many men claim to employ, and it also frequently leaves the woman unhappy in the bedroom because she may not be able to reach her climax with the abrupt withdrawal. Both parties must utilise mutually agreed-upon methods of birth control after speaking with a gynaecologist.
Not Enough Foreplay
During sexual activity, a hasty penetration without foreplay frequently causes pain or discomfort. To enjoy sex, a woman must be suitably lubricated and aroused.
ladies should feel free to share with their partners what they like doing foreplay, and men should learn how to arouse their ladies through foreplay that she appreciates. Extended foreplay combined with open and honest conversation about one’s preferences makes foreplay enjoyable and mutually fulfilling.
Fear of Penetration
It stems from a profound psychological apprehension of the genitalia, which may have been triggered by early life physical and/or psychological trauma or developed as a “learned fear” as a result of hearing tales of painful penetration when still a young child and easily influenced. Vaginismus, or “involuntary spasm” of the muscle controlling the vaginal opening during penetration attempts, can happen to a woman. There could be discomfort and agony from this. The involuntary contraction of her vaginal muscles results in painful and difficult penetration.
A lady may reject all of her partner’s efforts and attempts at penetration as a result of this unfounded fear. She needs the assistance of a skilled psychotherapist and sexual counsellor who can help her heal from her early trauma and teach her how to relax and gradually desensitise herself.
Tight Hymen
The vagina is covered by a thin membrane called the hymen. It might or might not exist at birth. The hymen is unusually thick and taut in certain women. This makes it either difficult to tear during sexual activity or, should penetration be tried aggressively in spite of pain, may result in extreme pain and bleeding. A minor procedure known as a hymenectomy may be required before engaging in sexual activity if a gynaecologist finds that the hymen is abnormally thick and tight.
Painful Intercourse
Dyspareunia, or painful sexual relations, can have a number of causes. The hymen may still be partially intact, the pelvic muscles may be extremely tight, the vulva and/or vagina may be injured or infected, or one may not be sufficiently aroused and lubricated in the vagina. It is normal to feel a little uncomfortable or painful during the first sex.
This discomfort/pain can be reduced or perhaps completely removed if sexual activity is attempted after sufficient, mutually aroused, and satisfactory foreplay.
Before initiating sexual activity, the source of the pain must be identified if it persists. Things might only grow worse if a couple tries having sex despite discomfort. A physical issue could then develop into a psychological issue. Similar to an alarm, pain prompts us to look into the source of the issue. To determine any medical cause and treat it, a gynaecologist should be called. After that, a sex therapist should help the pair have pleasant sexual relations.
Problems with Arousal
For a couple to enjoy intimate relations, female arousal is just as important as male erection. When a woman isn’t able to become aroused, penetration seems forced and may even be uncomfortable.
Physical causes of female sexual arousal disorder may include hormonal, neuro-vascular, biochemical, and other conditions.
Low self-esteem, distorted body image, physical or psychological abuse, and other stressors in life are psychological problems that can lead to FSAD. Couples with unresolved emotional and relational issues as well as unrealistic expectations from the male spouse may also experience FSAD. Furthermore, some drugs may also cause problems with arousal. Depending on the underlying cause, this should be seen by a qualified psychotherapist, sexuality counsellor, or gynaecologist, among other medical specialists.
Insufficient Emotional Closeness
Perhaps there is a lack of emotional investment on both sides as a result of their growing emotional distance from one another. In these situations, women are rarely aroused, and men who are may find it difficult to maintain an erection because of conflicting thoughts that cloud their judgement and steal their time. Conflict resolution techniques between people, either with or without a counselor’s assistance, should be used to handle this.
Girls may also find it difficult to respond in the early stages of sexual activity, particularly in arranged marriages, as they are still getting to know their partner and need time to “feel intimate” before they “get intimate.” Therefore, in order to avoid forcing unpleasant first experiences, it is preferable to wait until the intimate sensation comes and not rush things.
Anxiety during Performance
Of all the anxieties men have related to sex, anxiety about impotence and dread of not being able to get or keep an erection come in top. Paradoxically, the primary source of impotence and consequent avoidance of partner sex is anxiety.
It can be challenging for a man to get or keep an erection if his primary concern is how well he is doing for his partner rather than enjoying the sensations of the sexual act. This could spiral out of control, with his erection-related anxiety becoming so great that it prevents him from getting an erection, which fuels even more concern.
Learning to relax is the solution to this issue. Whether or whether you have an erection, your chances of getting one increase the more at ease and savoured the sensation of sexual contact. A couple should be aware that a guy cannot have an erection “at will,” any more than we can have saliva, tears, or digestive juices flow “at will.” These things naturally occur as a result of events and situations.
An erection occurs spontaneously when a guy engages in foreplay without “observing” or “monitoring” his organ. The fear of not being accepted lies at the root of the fear of not being able to achieve an erection. The wife’s involvement and understanding are crucial in helping to overcome this kind of psychogenic impotence. In this case, a qualified relationship and sexuality counsellor can be helpful.
Premature Ejaculation
Men most frequently complain about this during intercourse. Medical treatment is not available for any organic cause. It has a psycho-behavioral foundation. Teaching couples behavioural skills like the “squeeze technique” or the “stop-start technique” can effectively re-condition early ejaculation, which is a “learned reflex response.” For the same, one should visit a qualified sexuality counsellor.
Erectile Dysfunction
Penetrative intercourse is impossible for a man who cannot sustain or obtain an erection. The same could have situational, psychogenic, or intrinsic (biological) reasons. Medical or surgical intervention may be indicated if the causes are organic. Naturally, in order to identify the cause and design an intervention, a psycho-sexual history, physical examination, and other tests must be completed.
Organic causes include diabetes, pituitary, thyroid, or adrenal gland disorders; low testosterone; neurological conditions; brain or spinal cord injuries; kidney disease; atherosclerosis or other vascular issues; genital injuries; surgical procedures; long-term alcoholism and/or drug use; and drug reactions, particularly to antidepressants, antipsychotics, and hypertension medications.
On the other hand, sexual counselling and psychotherapy are the best courses of action if the cause is psychogenic, or originating from the psyche. A psychotherapist can help with relationship problems, prior traumatic events, stress, and mood disorders.
In conclusion, a number of factors, including a couple’s comfort level with one another, their living situation, their level of relaxation, their health, their level of sexual arousal, the type and duration of their foreplay, the amount of lubricant at the vaginal site during penetration, the health of their hymen, the technique and position used during penetration, etc., affect their ability to have mutually comfortable, satisfying, and pleasurable sexual relations.
In order to enjoy mutually satisfying sexual intimacy, it is crucial that both parties protect their own physical, psychological, and interpersonal well-being as well as that of the other.